Today, I briefed with my principal, and I ranked proficient and superior in all areas!!! She even told me that my observation was better than other non-first year teachers! Celebration!!!!!!!!!!!
I was really nervous talking to her though.. I somehow felt incompetent and like I was rambling.. or just awkward. I'm not sure. Hopefully she'll think it's cute that I'm a little first year nervous teacher..... and not some unprofessional weirdo. I am so pleased with my observations.. I haven't gotten any red flags from anyone, and it seems like my kids are doing pretty well overall. It is frustrating though that no one is offering me constructive criticism. I wish they could be there the entire day to see where my struggles really are and help me problem solve (time management mainly). Currently, we're getting ready to finalize report cards and finish benchmarks and analyze all the data... so I'll have REAL info on how my kids are doing as a result of what I taught them. Exciting but nerve racking... especially when I compare my data to the other teachers! I'll update about how that goes pretty soon.
In other news, I found out that I have a TON of assignments for my alternative certification program (ACP) that I didn't know about. We have to do all of these assignments, along with extra assignments for a year-end portfolio that's sure to kick my bum, especially if I don't keep on top of it. Raa.. much prayer needed to end procrastination and really focus on what I'm doing. Did I mention I think I have adult ADD? Having to teach 4 subjects probably doesn't help much either........ttfn!
-1st yr teacher whose year isn't going that crazily...
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Amazing day
Today was pretty average.. except my kids were a little worse than usual (talking, not focusing, not participating...). At the end of the day though, my room was converted into a prison for the trouble-makers from all the classes (those who didn't get to participate in reward day). Before they came it, I yelled at them and called them names. Questionable teaching practices? Yes. Effective? Pretty damn. Not that I cursed them.. I called them trouble makers, incapable of following directions, disruptive, disrespectful, irresponsible (everything they could have possibly done to get there). And then I told them none of that would go on in my classroom. They would sit silently, not make any noise, not talk, and do their work.
I almost just made them sit there and work (some of them were 0 for 3 in not having a reward day and I figured goal-making had lost its efficacy), but then I realize the opportunity I had, and I could not let it slip away just so I could grade a few papers. I asked which of them were for the 3rd time, and they proudly raised their hands with smirks on their faces. They felt so cool until I congratulated them on making progress. Luckily they're old enough to get sarcasm. We talked about how old plans of action were proving useless, and thought of new ways to improve in organization, behavior, and attitude. Some of the kids really impressed me. One had already asked for a seat change in class to avoid talking to friends. Another made a sign to hang up at home on her door.
I walked around and talked to each student individually, and I pressed the kids to get into their own psyche.. what motivates them, what the real source of their problems are. It was so incredible seeing them dig deep and generate real solutions. I guided one student to create of a better punishment to suggest to his parents for when he gets in trouble at school. I led several others to write names of the people that distract them/get them into trouble. "Ignore John" wrote one kid . "Do not talk to Mike, Alex, and David," wrote another(names changed). I accompanied one student to speak with another, his new best friend, to ask him to stop causing trouble for him. He was almost paralyzed with nervousness and obviously valued the friendship. I helped him start the conversation, and he finished it all by himself, stating clearly what he had a problem with.
I could see the anguish in these kids as they forced themselves to recognize their bad habits and give away the things they love most. Yes, I guided them, but in the end they did not have to give me specific names. They did not have to play my silly games. They could have copped out with, "I don't know", or "people". But they didn't. They gave true and honest answers. We talked about how truly hard it is list our friends as bad influences, to take away the things we love most in our free time. We talked about the difficult road ahead, and I told them I had faith they could follow through. No one ever told me telling the truth and making good decisions would be hard, and I hope more people are having those conversations with their children. On their way out, I congratulated them and told them how proud I was of them. I encouraged them to take real steps towards their goals--to talk to their parents, their friends, and their teachers, and ultimately have the courage to change.
I can't help thinking that I would feel so much more fulfilled if I had more of the "bad" kids in my class. I thrive off the counseling aspect of teaching, and frankly the majority of my personal students don't need much. I was expecting and hoping to be in a title I school where behavior problems are much more prevalent, but it just did not happen. Maybe being at this school is just an affirmation that I do need to be doing "more" in a different school or career.
Through it all, I could not help thinking about God's undying faith in us to choose the right path. He never labels us as "lost" or "troubled" or just plain "mean", as some of the other teachers have done with these students. It is so powerful to know that someone will believe in us through everything. Even though I might not see or talk to these kids for months, I hope that I was that believer, the one who showed them for little while that they could still turn it all around, no matter what they've been doing for whatever amount of time. Will they follow through? I honestly don't know.
I almost just made them sit there and work (some of them were 0 for 3 in not having a reward day and I figured goal-making had lost its efficacy), but then I realize the opportunity I had, and I could not let it slip away just so I could grade a few papers. I asked which of them were for the 3rd time, and they proudly raised their hands with smirks on their faces. They felt so cool until I congratulated them on making progress. Luckily they're old enough to get sarcasm. We talked about how old plans of action were proving useless, and thought of new ways to improve in organization, behavior, and attitude. Some of the kids really impressed me. One had already asked for a seat change in class to avoid talking to friends. Another made a sign to hang up at home on her door.
I walked around and talked to each student individually, and I pressed the kids to get into their own psyche.. what motivates them, what the real source of their problems are. It was so incredible seeing them dig deep and generate real solutions. I guided one student to create of a better punishment to suggest to his parents for when he gets in trouble at school. I led several others to write names of the people that distract them/get them into trouble. "Ignore John" wrote one kid . "Do not talk to Mike, Alex, and David," wrote another(names changed). I accompanied one student to speak with another, his new best friend, to ask him to stop causing trouble for him. He was almost paralyzed with nervousness and obviously valued the friendship. I helped him start the conversation, and he finished it all by himself, stating clearly what he had a problem with.
I could see the anguish in these kids as they forced themselves to recognize their bad habits and give away the things they love most. Yes, I guided them, but in the end they did not have to give me specific names. They did not have to play my silly games. They could have copped out with, "I don't know", or "people". But they didn't. They gave true and honest answers. We talked about how truly hard it is list our friends as bad influences, to take away the things we love most in our free time. We talked about the difficult road ahead, and I told them I had faith they could follow through. No one ever told me telling the truth and making good decisions would be hard, and I hope more people are having those conversations with their children. On their way out, I congratulated them and told them how proud I was of them. I encouraged them to take real steps towards their goals--to talk to their parents, their friends, and their teachers, and ultimately have the courage to change.
I can't help thinking that I would feel so much more fulfilled if I had more of the "bad" kids in my class. I thrive off the counseling aspect of teaching, and frankly the majority of my personal students don't need much. I was expecting and hoping to be in a title I school where behavior problems are much more prevalent, but it just did not happen. Maybe being at this school is just an affirmation that I do need to be doing "more" in a different school or career.
Through it all, I could not help thinking about God's undying faith in us to choose the right path. He never labels us as "lost" or "troubled" or just plain "mean", as some of the other teachers have done with these students. It is so powerful to know that someone will believe in us through everything. Even though I might not see or talk to these kids for months, I hope that I was that believer, the one who showed them for little while that they could still turn it all around, no matter what they've been doing for whatever amount of time. Will they follow through? I honestly don't know.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Oops...
I've been meaning to blog.. it always get pushed away, so I thought why not procrastinate some more on grading and post something.
Life is completely different from the beginning of the year. Some time in October, I was talking to my fiance on the phone, and he was very upset by the lack of time I had for our relationship (long distance.. so incredibly hard when it feels completely unnatural to live apart and away from him. All I would like to do cuddle or get a hug, or some days scream and cry and have someone there to console me and empathize with me.). I basically had a break down and realized something had to change. 2 months or so had passed, and I kept telling myself it would get better.. that I would leave school before 6 or 7, that I would get more work, that I would be more prepared and no longer CONSTANTLY behind. So, I sat down and made some rules for myself... leaving by 5, spending no more than 2 hours working work at home, understanding lesson plans ahead of time--simple goals to get myself and my students on track.
Part of the problem was that the other teachers and I plan together, and the plans were happening like.. Sundays. And I was expected to pick those things up and give a quality lesson out of the text book, or through experiments or novels the very next day. That sure did go well... Eventually, and I'm not sure when, we got on freaking track. Lesson plans happened the week before, or on Fridays instead of Sundays, and I started actually making the lesson plans with other teachers instead of just listening or getting plans from them (I know.. I was spoiled. They were over achievers I guess? Whatever, I'm thanking my lucky stars they didn't expect me to write lessons on top of everything else.. which is a S*** ton. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you teaching is easy.. especially in elementary school. You have to prepare a million things.. copies, tests, overheads, manipulatives, materials for science projects, accomodated tests for dyslexic kids, and the list goes on....haha sorry long side note).
Anyway, somehow, the plan started working.. In the beginning, I just MADE myself leave around 5:30, and slowly it got earlier and earlier. About half way through the year, I leave school around 4:30 unless there is a long meeting or tons of tests to be made. I never realized the ridiculous amount of trees that are used in schools. If I really need to, I can jet out by 3:30!
I really love my fellow teachers-they all have their pluses and minuses, but they're all around good people and pretty intelligent for the most part. The principal is kind of crazy....she stresses out WAY too easily and people avoid her like the plague when she's in one of her moods. I can't blame her.. I can't even imagine the work load and pressure she must be getting from the district. The VP is even worse... she walks around looking like a zombie, I'm pretty sure she works more than the principal.
Teaching is MUCH easier now. It's not so daunting to pick up a textbook and read with the class having no idea what the dang this says until that moment. I can't say it's the most quality lesson though.. I do think my general knowledge about science helps a LOT.. just random stuff about forces or light... I'm successfully pulling small groups of students who need a lot of extra help, but I can't shake the feeling that I don't know what I'm doing in reading. How do you really teach a kid to read better, more fluently and accurately? My alternative certification program is making my implement a mini lesson for struggling readers/bilingual students, but I doubt it will actually increase their fluency or comprehension. Maybe.. who knows.
Organization continues to be my biggest challenge. I miss deadlines, lose papers (OMG I have never had so many papers pass through my hands/land on my desk). Tip for future teachers: buy tons of organizational things.. drawers, shelves, desk organizers... The smartest thing I'm doing is filing all extra papers according to subject and week. It's so easy to just go in and pull something out. My desk is always a mess though... I realized this weekend that my entire family is disorganized. So, I blame my parents for the pig sties that I unwillingly, unknowingly, and unconsciously create. Hopefully my fiance can fix me. I just don't know how to live neatly.
I think that's about it for now. Life is pretty stinking good. We're getting ready for benchmarking so lots of review and not much teaching prep. Only this week plus two more weeks left until Christmas break and seeing family and my fiance again! We're supposed to be going to a pretty swanky place, so I'm very excited to go and just spend time with them. I'll probably have to do a lot of work over the break though. Thanksgiving was wonderful, and I've gone wedding dress shopping 2 different times. I'm also loving learning more and more about what it means to be a follower of Jesus.. I don't know how I would've made it through the day without daily prayer for strength, patience, and giving those kids what they need, even when they drive me crazy with a MILLION questions a day. Hopefully you won't see me on the news for getting fed up with a kid and throwing him out the window.
Oh, I've also had a couple of confrontations with parents.. the parents are definitely the worst part of this job at this school. They make HUGE deals out of not so huge problems because they want to make sure their kid is successful. They think their kids are perfect and don't understand why they get low grades. I've had to sit through meetings with principals and parents about issues with their kids that don't even exist.. crazy requests for accomodations and unnecessary testing. I just want to tell them to face the facts.. their kid just isn't that bright. I guess I can understand though, they want to believe their babies are perfect, or that they would be if they didn't have "x". It sucks being in this grade level because the teacher in the one before sugar coated everything and made many kids way too dependent on them. I'm rambling, I'll stop now.
Love,
Me
Life is completely different from the beginning of the year. Some time in October, I was talking to my fiance on the phone, and he was very upset by the lack of time I had for our relationship (long distance.. so incredibly hard when it feels completely unnatural to live apart and away from him. All I would like to do cuddle or get a hug, or some days scream and cry and have someone there to console me and empathize with me.). I basically had a break down and realized something had to change. 2 months or so had passed, and I kept telling myself it would get better.. that I would leave school before 6 or 7, that I would get more work, that I would be more prepared and no longer CONSTANTLY behind. So, I sat down and made some rules for myself... leaving by 5, spending no more than 2 hours working work at home, understanding lesson plans ahead of time--simple goals to get myself and my students on track.
Part of the problem was that the other teachers and I plan together, and the plans were happening like.. Sundays. And I was expected to pick those things up and give a quality lesson out of the text book, or through experiments or novels the very next day. That sure did go well... Eventually, and I'm not sure when, we got on freaking track. Lesson plans happened the week before, or on Fridays instead of Sundays, and I started actually making the lesson plans with other teachers instead of just listening or getting plans from them (I know.. I was spoiled. They were over achievers I guess? Whatever, I'm thanking my lucky stars they didn't expect me to write lessons on top of everything else.. which is a S*** ton. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you teaching is easy.. especially in elementary school. You have to prepare a million things.. copies, tests, overheads, manipulatives, materials for science projects, accomodated tests for dyslexic kids, and the list goes on....haha sorry long side note).
Anyway, somehow, the plan started working.. In the beginning, I just MADE myself leave around 5:30, and slowly it got earlier and earlier. About half way through the year, I leave school around 4:30 unless there is a long meeting or tons of tests to be made. I never realized the ridiculous amount of trees that are used in schools. If I really need to, I can jet out by 3:30!
I really love my fellow teachers-they all have their pluses and minuses, but they're all around good people and pretty intelligent for the most part. The principal is kind of crazy....she stresses out WAY too easily and people avoid her like the plague when she's in one of her moods. I can't blame her.. I can't even imagine the work load and pressure she must be getting from the district. The VP is even worse... she walks around looking like a zombie, I'm pretty sure she works more than the principal.
Teaching is MUCH easier now. It's not so daunting to pick up a textbook and read with the class having no idea what the dang this says until that moment. I can't say it's the most quality lesson though.. I do think my general knowledge about science helps a LOT.. just random stuff about forces or light... I'm successfully pulling small groups of students who need a lot of extra help, but I can't shake the feeling that I don't know what I'm doing in reading. How do you really teach a kid to read better, more fluently and accurately? My alternative certification program is making my implement a mini lesson for struggling readers/bilingual students, but I doubt it will actually increase their fluency or comprehension. Maybe.. who knows.
Organization continues to be my biggest challenge. I miss deadlines, lose papers (OMG I have never had so many papers pass through my hands/land on my desk). Tip for future teachers: buy tons of organizational things.. drawers, shelves, desk organizers... The smartest thing I'm doing is filing all extra papers according to subject and week. It's so easy to just go in and pull something out. My desk is always a mess though... I realized this weekend that my entire family is disorganized. So, I blame my parents for the pig sties that I unwillingly, unknowingly, and unconsciously create. Hopefully my fiance can fix me. I just don't know how to live neatly.
I think that's about it for now. Life is pretty stinking good. We're getting ready for benchmarking so lots of review and not much teaching prep. Only this week plus two more weeks left until Christmas break and seeing family and my fiance again! We're supposed to be going to a pretty swanky place, so I'm very excited to go and just spend time with them. I'll probably have to do a lot of work over the break though. Thanksgiving was wonderful, and I've gone wedding dress shopping 2 different times. I'm also loving learning more and more about what it means to be a follower of Jesus.. I don't know how I would've made it through the day without daily prayer for strength, patience, and giving those kids what they need, even when they drive me crazy with a MILLION questions a day. Hopefully you won't see me on the news for getting fed up with a kid and throwing him out the window.
Oh, I've also had a couple of confrontations with parents.. the parents are definitely the worst part of this job at this school. They make HUGE deals out of not so huge problems because they want to make sure their kid is successful. They think their kids are perfect and don't understand why they get low grades. I've had to sit through meetings with principals and parents about issues with their kids that don't even exist.. crazy requests for accomodations and unnecessary testing. I just want to tell them to face the facts.. their kid just isn't that bright. I guess I can understand though, they want to believe their babies are perfect, or that they would be if they didn't have "x". It sucks being in this grade level because the teacher in the one before sugar coated everything and made many kids way too dependent on them. I'm rambling, I'll stop now.
Love,
Me
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